Movie Night with the Innocent Lambs
by MysticSpiritus
Summary: Turk Spawn Movie Night hosted by Nilto and Randak. Complete with taboo topics and a surprise phonecall. Surprise doesn't always mean good either.


**Disclaimer: Regarding AmazonTurk's mostly canon universe, you guys know what I own and what I don't right? I don't wanna be here forever.**

_Mystic: Well, since AmazonTurk and dantesdarkqueen both wrote what happened when their Turks hosted Turk Spawn Movie Night, I felt it would be only fair if I wrote what happened when Randak and Nilto hosted theirs while Rude and Kandi were off having some pirate fun. Argh ... Ahem, anyway, I decided to make Damian ask a certain question here, since he's the youngest of the spawn and therefor, I think, would be more curious._

* * *

Knock-knock ...

"Speak of the devil," Randak chuckled between bites of pizza.

Nilto scoffed and shook her head, placing a bowl of popcorn in the middle of the chattering Turk Spawn. "That's not a very accurate description anymore. The daemon's gone now."

Kaya looked up from the glass of soda she was sharing with Paulo. "Is Uncle Renzo here?" Bryce and Damian both glanced up from their pizza and sodas as well, an impish gleem shining in their usually innocent eyes. Alright, now the horror-fest can officially start!

"Yay movies!" Damian yelled as he ran toward the front door.

"Oomph." Renzo let out a grunt as he became the comical victim of three children knocking the wind from him. Shirah giggled as she walked, or rather, waddled inside. Bryce, Kaya, and Damian had all chosen to glomp her husband at the exact same time.

"Did you bring the movies?" Kaya asked excitedly. Bring on the evil puppets!

Renzo leaned down to give each little spawn a hug. "Don't I always?" He handed the kids a backpack overflowing with dvds, the majority of them of the horror genre.

Yes, only the majority. Shortly before arriving, Shirah convinced her demon-fighting spouse to bring some comedies and the ever-rare, chick-flick. Still, even the woman eight months with child had a difficult time surpressing a scowl when she saw the many horror flicks spill out on to the living room floor. "You're going to scar them, Renzo," Shirah said with semi-smile.

"No, he won't Aunt Shirah," Bryce said professionally. "It just makes us more tough."

Nilto laughed at mini-Rufus' remarks as she walked over to wrap her cousin and his expecting wife in big bear hugs. "How much longer, Shirah?" the exorcist Turk asked, carefully rubbing the swollen tummy that housed Renzo's unborn spawn.

Shirah blushed softly. "Another three or four weeks. And I'm very ready to have this baby."

Damian looked carefully at his new aunt's growing stomach and then over to his mother's cousin. The five-year-old boy looked back and forth for a moment before finally asking the question every parent or parent-to-be dreaded.

"Aunt Shirah? How did that baby get in your tummy?" Damian's eyes were wide with innocence and natural curiosity.

Every adult in the vicinity of that nosy question either facepalmed, groaned, or blushed profusely. Every spawn however, immediately started giggling hysterically because their youngest dared to inquire about the forbidden chocobos and bees. And yet, that didn't deter the assassin offspring from attempting to answer it.

Axys was the first to pipe up. "I know how!" Reno's daughter shot her hand up through the air. "A long night of drinking and a broken condom."

Nilto dropped her head and rubbed at her temples. The other parents were going to tan her hide for letting the conversation lead to sex.

"No," Bryce corrected, using his 'I'm the president and I'm always right' voice. "It was a simple one-night-stand because they were lonely."

Wait a second. This was Uncle Renzo they were discussing here, not Lily.

"Nuh-uh," Andria interrupted as she stuck her tongue out at mini-prez. "They used the Green Sludge. Duuuhhh."

Renzo wasn't even going to ask.

Azrael shook his silver locks side-to-side. "It's clear that they love each other very much and that's how the baby was formed."

Actually, that's not too far from the truth. Hm, smart kid.

"You guys are way off!" Kaya whined and crossed her arms matter-of-factly. "Uncle Renzo is a druid like my mom. He and Aunt Shirah used a sacrificial lamb!"

Yep, it was official. The other parental units were going to kill their co-worker. Nilto was a dead woman. She could see the newspaper headline now. "Turk Who Specializes in Supernatural Phenomena Killed by Fellow Turks Over Sex Talk." Well, maybe not that severe. Kandi would probably just laugh at her. Who's the fuck-up now bi-atch? As for Tseng? Yikes, let's not go there. Alright, time for Operation: Distract Turk Spawn.

"Kaya, honey," Nilto said with a nervous smile, "why don't you introduce Renzo and Shirah to all your friends?"

"Okay!" the exorcist-in-training yelled excitedly. Grabbing her aunt and uncle by their wrists, Kaya led them both into the living room where several smiles looked up at them.

Nilto released a relieved sigh and glanced over to her husband, who was busy fighting back a chuckle. Let's face it, the Turk spawn were much smarter than everybody made them out to be. Generation X be damned. Randak flashed a knowing smile instead and offered his wife a slice of pizza. "Relax sexy," he suggested. "I'm sure they've all had the talk by now anyway."

Andria was the first to be introduced. "This is Andi," Kaya spoke with a grin. "She's Zack Fair's daughter."

"Yeah, my mom knocked him up." Andria had too much fun telling that to people. Their confused glances were so worth it.

A playful giggle escaped the movie hostess. "I'll explain later, Renzo," Nilto reassured as she poured herself a glass of soda. "It's quite a story."

"I can imagine," Renzo agreed, flabbergasted.

"This is Azrael," Kaya introduced next. "We call him the General."

Renzo looked over to his cousin. "Sephiroth's son?" he asked, quite impressed.

"Yeah," Nilto nodded. "He and Akalara were lovers before Nibelheim."

Reno's little girl stuck her hand out toward the dark-haired druid. "I'm Axys," she grinned. "My dad told me about s-e-x and I don't get what a sacrificial lamb has to do with anything."

Interesting, the inquisitive girl spells a taboo word, but isn't afraid to admit that her own conception was a major surprise. Go figure.

"And this is Paulo." A small flush began to appear on Kaya's young face as she directed her gaze to Tseng's adopted son. Andria immediately noticed the facial reddening and decided to have some impromptu fun.

"Boyfriend!" the late colonel's spawn coughed. All the other spawn, save for Kaya and Paulo, began to cough 'boyfriend' or 'crush' almost immediately, causing the two to blush even further.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Kaya protested with a pout. "Yet anyways," she added with a small grin.

At her daughter's confession, the female exorcist decided it was best to ask her swordsman husband a very important question. "Honey, did you speak to Tseng--"

"Yes," Randak quickly answered, not wanting to give anything away to his daughter. "It's all arranged. Calm down." He gave his wife's hand a gently squeeze before looking over to the noticeably shocked relative. "Renzo, be prepared to sign something in about ten years."

Oh, bitch. Not again. Just when Kaya's 'uncle' was about to speak in protest (he'd really seen enough of signing things thank you), Nilto's home phone prevented any arguments. How odd that Shirah only smiled softly at Kaya's possible future. Of course, her satisfied grin could be because she was currently engaged in a second slice of pizza, despite the fact that she and her druid spouse possessed dinner reservations in less than an hour. To say that the pregnant girl was a giant walking hunger pang was a dramatic understatement. The memory of the golden maiden demolishing an entire can of Salt and Vinegar Plingles chips at three in the morning would be forever etched in the dark exorcist's mind.

Since Nilto was nearer to the phone, it was her hand that picked the cursed thing up. Oh, yes. That insult fit perfectly when the female Turk realized who was speaking on the other end. "Excuse me?" she answered amid shocked stares from her family and guests. "I'm not going to tell you if I've seen them or not!"

The swordfighter assassin elbowed his wife and motioned for her to tell him who was on the line. Her whisper was hushed and harsh with frustration, the answer sending chills down Renzo's young bride. 'Shirah's parents' Nilto mouthed.

"What?!" A shrill shriek resounded from the maiden, ushering a firm shush from the former daemon host.

Nilto silenced them both with her hand before returning her attention back to the individual's on the phone. "I would suggest lowering your voice, lady. This is a Turk you're shouting at. Empty threat? Ma'am, you lack the brain cells to realize who you're dealing with."

Curious eyes from the the room full of children inquired of the situation, wondering why Randak, Nilto, and Renzo looked pissed, and why Shirah looked scared out of her mind.

"Why would they call here?" Shirah asked, her hands immediately clutching at her abdomen in a gesture to protect her unborn child. "Renzo and I have had to change our number twice to get them to leave us alone!"

Bryce, in order to occupy his friends and leave the adults to the peace, went ahead and put the first movie in. Killer puppet dolls would be a good distraction right now.

"Look, I don't know," Nilto answered with a sigh. "Just don't let this ruin your evening okay?"

"And stay out of Snow Town," Randak instructed. "The official warrant may be gone, but there's rumors that bounty hunters are after Renzo's head."

Oh, sure. That fact would never ruin anybody's evening. Renzo was close to calling Tseng himself and accusing his in-laws of making derogatory remarks about President Rufus when a child's tug was felt on his jeans. It was Damian and the five-year-old's face was scrunched in a scowl.

"What is it, Damian?" his mom's cousin asked.

"You still haven't answered how that baby got there!"

* * *

Ask any yogi; that is, an individual who practices yoga. The ancient Wutaiin practice of working and stretching the body not only was a wonderful way to stay in shape, but it was also an easy way to meditate and channel one's thoughts and energy levels. Tseng knew of the practice of course, and often began his day with a few simple manuevers. His oddball Turk who specialized in demon slayings also practiced the technique of various poses, so it was of no surprise to enter her and her husband's apartment to find the assassin couple engaged in Earth-Rain mutra. What was of much surprise however, was to see all of the children following along when the Bossman arrived the following morning.

"Hands together," Nilto instructed with a smooth, clear tone of voice. "Now, hands to the third eye, heart, and extend into seated chair pose." All spawn managed to complete that easy position. "Right foot back, left leg straight, and arch into Warrior One."

Ah, one of Tseng's personal favorites. The warrior poses were excellent for stretching the back and strengthening the legs. The Wutaiin native continued to watch the morning class. Kaya and Damian were practicing very well obviously, since they've been doing this with their mom for quite some time. Even Paulo wasn't half-bad since he'd recently started trying the poses his adoptive father practiced in the early morning. Azrael was doing exceptionally well; the silver-locked lad inheriting his father's natural athletic abilities. Bryce was doing okay too, having received some natural grace from his bellydancing mother. Not as well as his two cousins, but well enough. Andria though ... Well, it was suffice to say that she inherited her mother's own grace too. Kandi was a well-known klutz and so was her daughter. The child with red-streaks through her hair fell too frequently than not.

Still, even Tseng would give her an 'A' for effort.

Funny though, how Paulo and Kaya were practicing right next to each other. Those two were certainly going to be quite the pair when they got older.

Good thing everything was all worked out for them.

* * *

**Mystic: So, right about now is when I'd start laughing my little evil laugh. How cute are these oc's? Really? Oh, yeah. Don't forget to leave a review. A KIND review. Constructive criticism is okay. Flames are another ...**


End file.
